Behind Closed Doors
by Pan - The Wolf Made Of Bread
Summary: A look into the inner workings of the Grandia III filming! As the filming enters into the final stages, the cast grows restless. Chaos ensues as donuts go missing and large Bird Guardians sit in parking lots. Read and review!
1. Jelly Filled or Bear Claws?

--- Breaking away from my more numerous romantic comedy fics, I decided to make an all-comedy one. Another Grandia III inspiration, this fic looks into what goes on behind closed doors as the cast of the game go on and off-stage.. ---

Disclaimer: I don't own Grandia. …cries

#NOTE#: I am not trying to get the dialogue perfect. That and I can't remember exactly what anyone said.

--- --- ---

"What happened to you, Emelious?" shouted the white-haired man. "What happened to our plan?" With his hand grasping the shirt of another man, he shook it lightly, irritated, and shouted again. "Answer me!"

The man underneath him grinned evilly. "I have had a vision of the perfect world. I plan to create that, Raven!"

"No!" Raven yelled. With his free hand he withdrew a sword from its sheath and held it at Emelious' neck. "I'll.. I'll end it!"

Below them, a group of four stood watching in horror as the scene took place. The blonde one, a young girl, gasped at Raven's exclamation.

"I'm sorry, Emelious. But.. this is the end!" Preparing to strike, Raven pulled back the blade slightly. Before he could carry out his intended action, the ground beneath the temple began to shake. Emerging gracefully from the ground was a dog-like animal, very large for its size, with a horn jutting from its skull.

"Seiba!" The girl below the fighting men gasp.

Seiba turns his head to look at the two men. As he spoke inaudible words to his Communicator, Emelious saw his chance. "Get off of me!" He yelled, pushing Raven off of him. Raven fell to the ground and instantly a brunette woman was by his side. "Raven, are you alright?"

Emelious stood at the very top of the tower, clutching as large sword in his hands. "Now, Seiba!" Seiba simply glared. Emelious then leaped from his perch, and within seconds it was over. In a shower of glimmering lights, the head of Seiba fell to the ground and the body began to disintegrate.

"Ha! The Last of the False Gods is DEAD!" Emelious shouted to the sky.

"CUT!"

Everyone on set began to look at the director. "What was wrong this time?" Emelious asked impatiently.

"Nothing, Emelious. You were perfect, absolutely perfect. We'll have to do a redo of your close-up Dahna. You had something in your nose that was taking up the screen." Dahna, the brunette, sighed. "Great job, Yuuki, Alfina. Loved the expressions on your face." The two teens smiled at each other.

"Seiba, you can head to the break room. You're done for the day." Sighing with relief, the Guardian walked out the studio door and over to the break room that was in a different building. Entering, he found that the other guardians, minus Unama, were there as well. As always, Gryph was ranting..

"They kill me off no less than _three minutes_ of life, will they? I will NOT have it!" Gryph shouted over a mug of hot chocolate. "This simply is _not_ the way to treat someone like myself!" Gryph was entirely against the fact that Emelious killed her in the game, and often took out her frustration on Yoat's pet cat. But today, since she was in the studio and unable to reach the cat, she ranted about it. There was no end to her complaining.

Seiba walked over to the table. "Gryph, you have to stop doing that." Poring himself some chocolate and taking a donut from the box nearby, he say down in a chair next to Drak. "How long has she been going on about this?" Seiba asked, sipping the liquid in his cup.

"About forty-five minutes last time I checked. She doesn't want to shut up about it." Drak replied, annoying that Gryph refused to stop her yammering.

"And I'll tell you what I'll do about it!" Gryph exclaimed. "I'll go on strike! I'll sit in the parking lot so the employees have nowhere to park!" Yoat coughed.

"Gryph.. that won't work.." He said. "I mean, we're right next to a Wal-Mart. They can park there." Drak and Seiba nodded in agreement. Gryph snorted.

"Yes, but they'll have to walk at least _thirty extra feet_ to get to the studio!" She said proudly. Seiba groaned. Yoat and Drak looked at each other. Seiba took a bite of his donut. Gryph blinked.

After a few moments of silence, Drak decided to speak. "It'll never work." Gryph gasped, taken aback by his conclusion.

"And why NOT?" She asked furiously. Drak grabbed a donut of his own. "Because, you're more than enough meat to last us all for a month. They'd have no problem killing you off for real." Gryph stood in silence. Yoat reached behind himself to grab a donut, only to have his claws land on empty space. "Hmm?"

Turning around, his eyes landed on something horrible.

"THE DONUTS ARE GONE!" The rest of the Guardians gasped in horror, as did the rest of the cast as they walked in. Alfina ended up fainting when the discovery was made. Alonso stood up, glaring at the rest of the cast.

"I think that whoever took those donuts better speak up now before they get a face full of harpoon." He said. The cast looked at each other and mumbled amongst themselves. Miranda inspected the crime scene. After a moment of thinking she came to one conclusion.

"We're dealing with a genius." She said. A couple of gasps and bouts of crying ensued. Alonso, with a wave of his hand, shut them up.

"They left no evidence, or maybe cleaned up after themselves. Since only the Guardians were in here at the time of disappearance, we can probably assume it was one of them." Miranda continued. All gazes transferred themselves to the four Guardians that sat at the table. Drak coughed. "All four of us were sitting at the table. None of us moved." Yoat and Seiba agreed by nodding. Gryph continued her silence from before.

"I guess that rules you out, then.." Miranda said. ".. did you see anyone else come in?" The Guardians shook their heads. "Then we'll have to search the entire studio grounds." Everyone nodded.

"While you're at it, someone get Otto the Boy Detective. Let's see if the kid can live up to his boasts." Alonso nodded and ran out the door. With the cast members still in total disarray, Miranda walked over to the filming studio, where the Director was re-doing Dahna's close-up shot.

"Dahna, no, you're doing it wrong. When you're looking at Raven, you need to fill your face with worried carefulness." Dahna looked at him funny. "… Just act worried about him."

"Ahh, okay.." Dahna said.

"Okay, redo this shot ONE more time." The director said. "Roll 'em."

Miranda sniffed the air and caught a familiar sugary scent. "You guys have.. donuts?" The crewmen nodded.

"The store was closed, so we borrowed from the break room." Miranda heard this, facepalmed, and sighed. Bringing a talker to her mouth, she pressed the button and spoke into it.

"Problem solved, the crewmen stole them.." This was followed by groans and crying.

--- --- ---

Following the incident with the Mystery of the Missing Donuts, the cast still had to deal with Gryph's unending complaining. Having been dragged from each of her Strike locations, the Bird Guardian was more irritable than usual.

"I will have my revenge!" She shouted to the sky, scaring away the birds that had comfortably made a home in a tree above her. Now that Xorn had finally been hired, he was charged with looking after her more than anyone else, just so they could take a break from it all.

Already, Xorn had had enough.

"Look, will you just SHUT UP?" He yelled. Gryph was not fazed at all and simply stuck her nose up.

"You have _no right_!" she said. Xorn snorted.

"I have plenty right." He snapped. "Especially when you won't shut up about dying! We ALL died!" Xorn was nearly at the end of his rope, which wasn't very long to begin with. Until he figured out what the problem was with Gryph, Xorn did not mind 'keeping her company'. What he didn't know was that they saddled him with her to keep the Bird Guardian from doing anything stupid.

It was probable that she would actually go through with he plan of sitting in the parking lot. Not that it mattered, anyway. After all, they were right next to a Wal-Mat. Yuuki, with his head in his hands, groaned, wishing that Gryph was as pleasant out of the game as she was in the game.

"At least YOU guys had a good ten minutes to monologue! I, on the other hand, simply went on about how 'love is so great.'" Gryph argued. Alfina sat quietly, eating cookies, looking back and forth between the Guardians as each one said their two cents. Boy, they must be rich.

"But you also made that dramatic appearance **from the sky**." Xorn growled. "The rest of them sat still at the end of a ledge or in the middle of a huge room." Xorn pouted.

"Or with a sword sheathed in their back." Yuuki joked. Xorn glared at the boy but shook off his frustration.

"Okay, Yuuki, you get to 'keep her company.'" Xorn said, emphasizing the phrase with finger quotations. Yuuki stared at Xorn wide-eyed.

"What? Why me!" Yuuki's gaze turned to the Bird, who was lazily lounging in a chair, humming some unrecognizable tune. To someone who hadn't seen he true side, she seemed fairly harmless. "I.. uh.. have this.. _thing_ I have to go do.." Yuuki stammered. Xorn looked at him unbelievingly. Yuuki smiled sheepishly and bolted out the door. Xorn looked atb Alfina, who also ran out the door.

Xorn was still stuck babysitting the giant bird. He sighed loudly and looked at her. She looked back at him, smiled, and grabbed a donut.

This day was going to suck..

--- --- ---

And I end it here. Have fun and read and review.


	2. APPLES TO APPLES! DUST TO, er, nevermind

--- Wow, a review my first chapter within two days of uploaded. I love you, Random Reviewer. I'll see what I can do about your request. ---

Disclaimer: I do not own Grandia, it's characters, Apples to Apples or Twister.

--- Chapter 2 ---

Xorn's prediction was exactly right. Following the abandonment of Yuuki and Alfina, Xorn's day only grew worse. Schmidt had only recently been hired, but the others quickly warned him of Xorn's predicament. The pilot had openly refused to help, which sent Xorn into a flying rage that could only be stopped with an accurate recreation of the games final battle.

Lying on the ground, defeated, Xorn began to cry. "It's just not fair!" he whined. Yuuki and the others looked at each other.

"Life ain't fair." Ulf said. "Get over it, you pathetic excuse for a final boss." Others in the room 'Oooooh'd' at that comment.

"I believe that is what we call an 'Oh snap.'" Yuuki said. It was at this point that Drak, Yoat and Seiba broke into song about the phrase 'Oh snap.' Covering their ears, many of the cast members left. Schmidt made an attempt to silence them by grabbing the remote control from off the table in the break room.

"Oh God, no!" He yelled. "MUTE BUTTON! MUTE BUTTON!" With his index finger he rapidly pressed the mute button on the control, but the Guardians continued to sing their own version of 'So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish.' (How they did it was by replacing every word with 'Oh Snap.')

Thankfully, Unama showed up. "Oh my gosh!" she cried. "Too bad I put all of my power into that orb and gave it to Alfina!" Unama exclaimed. Schmidt ignored her and continued to press the mute button. "Where is Alfina?" Unama yelled.

Xorn, having recovered from the reenactment of his fight with the four twerps, lashed out at the singing trio with one of his random 600-damage moves. Alfina then ran into the room. "I shall save the day!"

With her right hand, she held up the glowing orb of Unama and stopped time itself! Drak, Yoat and Seiba had ceased their singing and Xorn was trapped in a pose in the air. Alfina, unfortunately, was not in a party at that time. The whole world was frozen in time, and this included Dahna, Ulf, Yuuki and Unama as well.

"Whoopsie." Alfina said, smiling sheepishly.

--- --- ---

Later, when the orb's power had finally worn off, those captured by the orbs Time-stopping ability gathered around the table in the break room. The donuts had been returned, were a little on the dry side, and were being enjoyed by the cast of Grandia III. Schmidt happily drank his coffee as everyone else scolded Alfina for not making sure the whole cast (Other than Xorn, Drak, Yoat and Seiba) were in the party.

"Well, great. Now we have no orb for the next fight tutorial." Yuuki complained. "I don't suppose a cardboard mimic can be made?" The prop managers shrugged. Yuuki facepalmed and looked at Alfina. "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?" Alfina looked at every glaring face. Then her gaze fell downwards to her hands. Clenching them tightly, she looked up angrily, and her fist connected with Yuuki's left cheek.

Yuuki, stunned and shocked, fell to the ground and almost immidiatly Alfina jumped onto his back and leapt upwards towards the ceiling, landing gracefully near the door. She waved and ran outside. The cast looked at the door. Yuuki, fully unconscious, lay motionless on the floor. Xorn kicked his body with his right foot. "I think he's dead.."

Kornell, with his large fist of JUSTICE, stepped towards the door. "We must follow the Communicator!" He pointed outside and began to walk out. Miranda, Alonso, and Xorn followed. As the quartet left, Violetta snorted.

"That idiot is going to mess up again." She began to follow. "Better make sure he doesn't botch this up like he did his lines." Violetta shuddered, remembering how much he over-did his lines horrible. He exaggerated everything.

No one spoke for many minutes until Ulf decided to take matters into his own hands. "So.. anyone wanna play Twister?" Murmurs of approval followed and Yoat dragged out the game mat…

--- --- ---

"Left foot yellow." Drak said. With difficulty, the playing people shifted positions to get their feet onto a yellow circle. Spinning the color spinner again, Drak called out the next color and body part.

"Right ear Tickle-me-pink." With even greater difficulty, the group shifted again, many of them collapsing to the ground. Yuuki, having finally woken up, was the first to lose due to the fact that he was still dazed from the punch.

What amazing him more was that it was loveable **Alfina** that had punched him. Now he knew how Alonso had felt when Miranda gave him a good smack across the face. Again, the crowd shifted to have all hands on the single canary yellow circle.

The human structure then collapsed, and broken ribs ensued.

Ulf facepalmed. "I never knew Twister required a set amount of intelligence.." The players groaned in pain. Yoat looked at the box. "For IQ's 75 and up." Ulf, not believing it, looked over Yoat's shoulder. It was true.

"… Aw, great.." Ulf looked back at the twisted pile of idiots. Oh, what fun.

--- --- ---

"OH COMMUNICATOR!" Kornell yelled at the top of his lungs. Birds began to scatter as Violetta whacked him with the scythe.

"Shut up you moron! If you YELL, she won't come out!" Violetta shouted at the muscle-bound pea brain. Alonso scratched his head.

"Well, I don't think bribing her with "Come on out, girl! I got treats for you!" will work, either." He said. Miranda, the apparent genius of the cast, thought for a moment.

"Well, she likes cookies, so if we leave a trail of cookies somewhere and lead them into a trap, we can catch her and take her back-" Miranda explained as Violetta interrupted.

"Oh come on. She's not THAT stupid." Violetta said. "In fact, she seemed pretty damn smart to me." The blade of her scythe cracked the ground, as did Kornell's FIST OF JUSTICE.

Kornell rubbed his sore head. "Well, do you have any better ideas." Violetta shut up. No she did NOT have a better idea, and the cookie bit was the best anyone had come up with so far.

"Well, she punched her boyfriend, so we can't really use him." Violetta said. Kornell nodded heavily.

It was at that time Bianca decided to show up. "Well, I say you take something that is precious to her and hold it for ransom." She suggested.

"We might as well gamble it away to some loser slot master." Miranda snorted. Bianca shrugged.

"That would work too." She said.

"Well that's better than Miranda's cookie trail." Violetta said. She looked at Kornell, whom was sitting on a bench muttering "Find the Communicator" over and over.

"Cookie trail? WHERE?" The far red woman exclaimed. "I want cookies!"

"Cookies! Where?" Asked a higher voice. Looking up, the group spied the young Alfina up in a tree. "Whoops."

Alfina jumped from the tree and bolted off. Curse those Warp Shoes!

"Quick! Follow her!" Kornell yelled. He jumped up, dragging his iron FIST OF HEAVY USELESSNESS behind him.

Alonso followed him. Miranda and Violetta walked. There was really no point in running after someone that had Warp Shoes on. "We'll catch her eventually." Both woman sighed.

--- --- ---

Ulf had managed to pull out the last idiot from the Twister pile. "What kind of moron puts weird colors on a twister mat?" he yelled. "Look at this! Blush red, Goldenrod, Maroon, Turquoise?" Then there was the Canary Yellow and Tickle-me-pink. "What kind of genius MADE this game?"

"The same genius that put a power button on the keyboard right next to the enter button?"(1) Drak asked. Ulf was silent.

Seiba looked at Drak. "You mean they actually do that?" The dog-Guardian asked. Yoat nodded.

"I've seen it." He said. "It's not fun." Seiba looked at the "For IQ's 75 and up" label on the box.

"Maybe we could play a more intelligent game?" Seiba asked. Yoat and Drak thought.

"APPLES TO APPLES!" They both yelled at the same time! Ulf and the other gasped in happiness. Drak smiled.

"I'll go get the box!" Ulf said, running to the game closet.

"Don't get the Junior Version!" Yoat yelled.

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There we go. All done. Read and review!

(1) I have a power button on my keyboard. Oh, how I DESPISE it.


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